28 Apr Relationship Coaching Los Angeles
We all want to have perfect relationships – whether it is with spouses, lovers, partners, children, parents, friends or co-workers, and no matter what else we accomplish in life, if we are not happy with our relationships, we are not going to be happy in general.
What defines us as humans is our need to relate, to be accepted and confirmed by our reality. Our relationships define who we are, and have the power to make us happy or intensely miserable.
Study shows that we suffer more from failed / failing relationships or lack of relationships (be them parental, marital or friendships) than anything else.
So what happens?
We continuously tell ourselves stories about who we are, who other people are, stories that are constructed through our points of view. Even though we prefer to deny it, in relationships everything is interaction: our behavior or words provoke a response in another, and that response provokes a reaction in us and so on.
Personal relationships can be messy. It is how we deal with the messiness that makes the difference between a relationship that is based on respect, growth, depth, joy, or passion and one that is based on anger, blame, fear or boredom.
We are all embedded in a system of relationships that has a mind of it’s own. An individual is not just an individual, but part of a family, a family is not just a family but part of a community. Each of us is a free spirit, with many possibilities and responsibilities, yet we all live under the constrains and influences of the relationships with those we love and need to collaborate with. We are also the byproducts of our childhood, our social experiences, genetics, and our past conditioning, choices and circumstances.
People tend to repeat the same behaviors, over and over even though some of those behaviors make them unhappy. Sometimes pride, past hurts, fears, compulsions, or addictions interfere with our relationships. Other times deep down we feel unworthy of amazing, loving connections, or we have no positive models (relationships we admire) to refer to, so we unconsciously sabotage what we already have.
“Learned Helplessness” is a term used in modern psychology that describes people who believe they have no control over their life. In order for any change to take place, there must the belief that change is possible, and that change somehow is within our reach.
As a relationship coach, I have learned that one of the most common beliefs that keeps people stuck, is that the relationship would get better if only the other person would change…
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Viktor Frankl
Trust and respect are the cornerstones of relationships, and they are necessary when rebuilding or strengthening any relationship – romantic or otherwise.
In order to repair our relationships, it is important to first take a look at ourselves, be honest, take responsibility for our own mistakes, move out of our comfort zone, shake up old patterns and beliefs, understand our deepest needs and what we value most and make new, better choices.
Any kind of change starts with awareness. By changing our focus, we can change our story, our habitual mode of interaction and perhaps even discover new aspects about ourselves and others. Change can happen in an instant. The moment we change what things mean to us, we create a lifelong transformation in our experience.
Ultimately, the quality of life is found in meaning. Creating an empowering meaning is the way to transform an experience from pain to pleasure. Life is not the challenges that we face, but the meaning that we give to those challenges. I believe that we can find an empowering meaning in any situation. Pain is the result of a dis-empowering meaning that we have constructed within ourselves. Emotions are the fuel of life, and they can be controlled and transformed from negative to positive.
When an event occurs in our lives, we take in stimuli through an internal process. Most people think of this process as thought (which includes physiology, focus, language patterns, and belief structures) that create meaning. From this meaning we create emotion; from this emotion we produce behavior; and from this behavior we produce results.
Individuals always have the power to choose what they think, believe and feel, regardless of past conditioning. The quality of our experiences depends on the quality of our emotions.
In most cases, we are responsible for our inner experiences; no one can make anyone feel a certain way. We experience what we are doing. For example, if a person says “I feel sad,” they are actually doing sadness. They use their body – their breathing, their facial muscles, voice, posture and their language in a way that causes them to feel sad in that moment. Consequently, this feeling can be changed if a person has a compelling reason to do so, if something is at stake and if she/he has enough alternatives, such as a new model of the world.
All human behavior is driven by the pursuit of fulfillment. Long lasting fulfillment can be achieved only by continuous growth and continuous contribution beyond oneself.
At Hypnosis-LA we believe that everyone has the resources within themselves to change, however these resources may need to be redirected or attached to a new context in order for a person to become empowered and fulfilled.
If you feel ‘stuck’ or confused, need a boost of confidence and help with your relationships, or just want to have a more fulfilling life, we can help.
Here is what a relationship coach can do for you:
– transform your inner game and create a compelling future plan
– help you communicate better
– help you realize that you are not passive, that you are in control of your mind and body, and can change your reaction
– purposefully control your behavior, rather than be controlled by impulses or other people
– develop your empathy so you can be more fair and intelligent in all of your relationships, being able to understand other people’s point of view, and ultimately to better understand human nature and suffering
– promote tolerance and compassion, harmony and balance within you and your relationships
– encourage forgiveness and kindness
– harness and direct your enthusiasm for what is truly important
– form new habits and ways of thinking
– be happier and have healthier, stronger bonds and relationships
For more information, please call 310-994-9532 or email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
To your success,
Beatrix Wagner C.Ht.