How Our Personal Relationships Work
When it comes to personal relationships and their importance in our lives, the quote below says it all.
“Individually, we are one drop. Together we are an ocean.”– R. Satoro
I am inspired to write this article as more and more people come to work with me either because their relationships are not working or because they can’t find the right partner. Sometimes, even if a client meets someone he or she potentially sees as promising, the other person doesn’t want to commit or simply leaves.
So what is really happening?
While there can be many reasons why a relationship doesn’t work out, the masculine/feminine issue seems to be a common one.
The Masculine and the Feminine
Our society has become more emasculated. Many women focus on their careers. They want to be independent and pursue their goals aggressively. Men are becoming more feminine, emotional, and many are even afraid to ask a woman out. They want to please and mold themselves into something they think their partner wants. They become quiet, express themselves less readily, take the road of least resistance, and often times stay home with the children while their partner becomes the primary bread winner.
How people perceive themselves is sometimes obvious from the way they dress, or from their body language, posture, movements, voice, or actions. While these outward characteristics may indeed reflect their true natures, it may also be related to conditioning – trying to fit in or be different. In western cultures, more men are now donning skinny jeans and wearing their hair longer while women are wearing pants and pant suits and are choosing shorter hair styles. It’s much more common for men to expect women to split the bill at restaurant instead picking up the tab. You can probably think of many more examples.
Role Reversal and Polarity in Relationships
The usual roles and polarity (in the case of relationships, opposite qualities and core energy) in personal relationships are being reversed, and our romantic relationships are among the first to be affected. Because opposites tend to attract, women who project aggressive, masculine behavior are generally attracting men who are more feminine and gentle. Also their outward appearance may be that of a tall, muscular he-man type, their core energy is more feminine. They are unsure emotionally and avoid commitment usually out of fear.
In most relationships, individuals who share the same type of energy tend not to last long as a couple. For example, if a woman with strong feminine energy blends with a man who also possesses strong feminine energy, there will either be constant power struggles and disagreements or nothing will ever get done and the relationship will become stagnant and boring.
Healthy relationships are built on give and take. Masculine energy individuals are good at some things and feminine energy individuals are good at others. Successful long term attraction develops from polarity. If polarity is not present, two people end up as just friends living together and raising a family. For polarity to exist, the masculine energy needs to blend with the feminine. Each partner in the relationship needs to acknowledge what he/she is and what they have to offer, and then function from that center.
All of us comprise both the masculine and the feminine to a certain degree, but our predominant behavioral patterns will ultimately determine what and who we attract into our lives.
Feminine and Masculine Traits
- Warmth and gentleness
- Understanding and empathy
- Cheerfulness and playfulness
- Being affectionate and sensitive
- Soft-spoken and tender
- Willingness to yield
- Passion and creativity
Some common feminine traits include:
Some common masculine traits include:
- Strength and forcefulness
- Dominance and assertiveness
- Ambition and competitiveness
- Risk taking
- Leadership qualities
- Defends beliefs
- Rational and logical
So what is the solution?
In a word? Balance. Once we notice and understand that a shift has taken place and we find ourselves on the opposite side of polarity, we can return to our natural way of being, our center, our true power and restore balance in our relationship. There are certain tools that we can use to speed up the process of transformation.
Women can reverse and return to being feminine and men can reverse and return to being masculine, without changing the fundamental nature of their behaviors. Women can still be career oriented and independent, yet embody a soft and feminine energy. The feminine is very powerful. Think of a femme fatale from any movie: she is strong and quite aggressive yet no fellow can resist her. The males often end up doing her bidding. And it is the same with men who are not afraid to show their masculine side. When men come from a place of good power and their masculine energy is at work, most women find them irresistible.
Have you ever seen a couple that is truly happy? Things just seem to work for them no matter what the situation or circumstance. Their energies blend together naturally and beautifully. It is because they both know their strengths and weaknesses and respect and acknowledge each other. A polarity exists that keeps the attraction between them strong.
You may also be familiar with relationships that are just the opposite. Take, for example, a situation in which a woman is loud and aggressive in social settings. She forces her opinions on others and makes sure no one else gets a word in edge-wise. If she is there with her husband or date, he may feel small and insignificant and repress his emotions and thoughts. Or he might fight back and the room becomes an uncomfortable ‘war zone’.
Watching the dynamics play out in the relationships of others helps us understand ourselves and our relationships better. Asking trusted friends for their opinion about our behavior in certain situations can also be helpful and enlightening. How others see us versus how we see ourselves can be significantly different and instructional.
Attracting the Right Relationship
Sometimes we behave differently around people than when we are alone. In order to attract and maintain the relationship we truly desire, it is important to be congruent, consistent, and in alignment with ourselves.
Duality and relationships are broad subjects. We have barely scratched the surface here. If you need help understanding certain patterns in your life and relationships, seek out professional help. A relationship coach can provide you with the tools and modalities that will help you become the person you most want to be. He or she can help you reach your full potential so you can have the relationship of your dreams (with yourself and others) and everything else you desire in life. It is never too late to make a change.
The world is full of wonderful people. We just need to open up, get rid of our fear of getting hurt, and be our true selves so the right people gravitate towards us. Give yourself that chance!
Wishing you much success in your life and relationship,
~Beatrix Wagner, C.Ht. & Relationship Coach
For more information, contact us today!